Warming Up the Car is For Lazy Sissies

In my continuing series of "neighbor rants," we come to people who insist on warming up their cars. Really, folks?! What a waste of fuel! I don't care if you waste your money, but I do care that you're idling your car and ejecting hydrocarbons into the atmosphere for NO GOOD REASON.

I can possibly understand it if you are preparing to transport an elderly or infirm person who might need to step into a warm car. I can't understand it if you are an able-bodied person driving solo who is simply too lazy to put on enough warm clothes which would make the few minutes it takes a modern engine to supply heat easily bearable.

What's that? You say you have to wear a fancy suit or thin dress to the office? So? You don't own an overcoat? You've never heard of scarves, hats, gloves, cheap-but-warm, zip-on overpants and winter boots that can be worn just until you get to the office? Lots of people exchange snow boots or running shoes for four-inch heels or wingtips when they get to their desks.

Or perhaps your argument for warming up the car has to do with ice on the windshield. Sorry, not a valid excuse. A quick search of the Internet turns up all kinds of dirt-cheap windshield covers and all-over car covers that will keep ice and snow off your car. You simply strip it away and hop in. No ice melting needed.

Then there's the old saw about getting the engine warm enough to stay running. Mechanics say "not necessary." Modern fuel injection replaced carburetors and chokes a few years ago, in case you didn't notice. It's being kind to the engine to give the oil 10-15 seconds--30 seconds max--to circulate, but then you're ready to drive. By the way, prolonged idling isn't good for your engine's long-term performance.

Another good reason for not warming up your car is that--well, it's illegal in many states. Not perhaps if you're using a remote car starter (there's another waste of money, maybe a couple hundred bucks' worth), but it is illegal if you leave the key in the ignition and the engine running with the car unattended. Yup--even for a few minutes. Be a real pain to get a ticket just because you were a lazy sissy, wouldn't it?

And that remote car starter? Not all have safety devices that prevent the car from being stolen. It'd be a much bigger pain to lose your car, wouldn't it? Please just man-up or woman-up, put on some winter outerwear, and drive already! The poor polar bears will thank you for it.

Here is my Jude Hayes Mysteries, Book 1, Remover of Obstacles, quote for the day:

Carrying my helmet and gloves, I exited down the back stairs of The Homer. My bike sat just as I’d left it parked under a cottonwood. I carefully removed the ratty, elastic-bound silverized cover to reveal my shiny blue-and-white race replica sportbike. It’s tiny, compared to the behemoth Harley cruisers, and many times faster and more powerful. It also handles like the proverbial dream.

I stopped to admire it for a moment, a huge smile on my face. It really is my baby. Let the soccer moms lavish their attention on the juvenile occupants of their minivans, this work of artistic and mechanical perfection is all the baby I’ll ever need—except for my puppies, of course. Not unlike a child, it receives lots of my attention and discretionary income. To each her own, I figure. I’m clueless and clumsy around kids. Thank goodness the world has a place for both my sister Stacy—who deserves a PhD in childraising for nurturing three awesome kids—and me—Auntie Sportbike Chick.

I rolled up the cover and stuffed it into a small bag behind my seat, stuck the key in the ignition, and zipped up my jacket. The helmet went on next, cinched down under my chin. Fingers wiggled into gauntleted leather gloves and I was finally ready.

Dependable machine that she is, the Suzuki started right up, with an understated thrummm of power, sounding like nothing so much as an airplane’s turbine engine lighting off. I spent a moment admiring the harmonics of the exhaust note echoing against the brick walls. Even so, my bike is not loud. Impressive horsepower can be had without excessive and inconsiderate noise. Time to ride.